Tag Archives: Focus

Clarity

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“All things are difficult before they are easy.”

April was hands down the most challenging month I’ve experienced in recent memory (and that includes the craycray of this past holiday season). There were days that I refused to go to sleep because that meant that Today had ended, and Tomorrow would come. I did not want Tomorrow to come. Tomorrow meant yet another Obligation to face down, another Necessary Evil to endure, another Reality Check that I needed to accept. Tomorrow was heavy, and I was tired of shouldering that burden day after day.

On top of that, there was the never ending winter weather that melted into apocalyptic April showers, and pretty soon, I believed that this heaviness was my new normal, with no end in sight. It’s like every facet of my life decided to challenge me at the same time. To quote dear Bilbo Baggins, I felt “stretched…like butter scraped over too much bread.” I seriously considered just withdrawing from the world, and living on my own little island.

That is, until the internal and external challenges I faced came to a head and I was more or less forced to stop All The Doing and Busyness, take a step back, and evaluate my situation from a more objective place.

What did I find? I found that I had a problem with perfection that I NEVER thought I had inside me. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the heaviness I experienced was the constant disappointment I felt against myself because I didn’t know All The Things and I didn’t execute Things perfectly on my first try. I mean, that need for perfection tainted my view on everything recently, including feeling betrayed by my body when I caught my first cold in seven years.

Once I did recognize it, I was able to correct my mindset and began to find peace. I allowed myself to accept my fumbles and missteps. I let myself be OK with uncertainty. And, I found myself being grateful for this much needed experience just so I can look back and remember how I can be better next time. More importantly, I now have this reminder that I faced seemingly big challenges, and I was able to stretch, scrape, and push myself past them. If I could do it once, I can surely do it again.

I’m not going to lie: it’s hard to face your own incompetence day after day. I know. I live it. But man, when that moment of clarity dawns on you, when the fog in your mind disappears and you suddenly see the solution to the problem you’ve been staring at for-freaking-ever, you almost feel like the god of your own universe. That moment, in and of itself, far outweighs the price of all the struggle.

manager photo[Edited to include photo]

Be Here Now

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“Lost time is never found again.” Benjamin Franklin

I’m about to dive in to the busiest time of year again, and no, I don’t mean the frenzy of National Novel Writing Month which kicks off at midnight (though I do enjoy that annual treat!). I’m talking about that blessed time of year that people love to hate: The Holidays.

Personally, I love the holiday season. I’m a sucker for the window displays. The more nostalgic and whimsical, the better! Bonus points if the window displays are animated! Anyway, even though I may end up mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted by January (yay for spa days!), I always look back on the Thanksgiving-through-Christmas rush with a feeling of ‘Whoa!’ Another mountain conquered, another wave I rode out, another notch added to my belt.

But before I dive headlong into the thick of things, I need to give myself a few ground rules/reminders. After all, I juggle multiple roles, and I want to ensure that I balance all aspects of my life.

1. Before I can be take care of others, I need to take care of myself. I’m not going to lie, I feel BLESSED to have my strong immune system, and I’m sure that my positive outlook on life is directly related to my health. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been sick, and I want to keep it that way. So. When do I schedule my work outs? What foods do I need to keep in stock to prepare my meals in advance? What does my routine need to look like so I can get a good night’s sleep?

2. Don’t Mistake Activity for Productivity. Instead of scheduling All The Things and prioritizing them, I just need to schedule my priorities. Ask myself, ‘Does This Thing require my attention Right Now or can I manage this later?’ Focus on the Few Things that will give me the biggest return on my investment. During the five weeks of holiday, those few things are: exercise/nutrition, family time, writing time. Everything else is a luxury.

3. Be Here Now. To me, all of the above planning and prepping is to set me up to be 100% present, whether at work or at home. So, where do I need to invest my time so that when I’m off the day job, the switch stays off and I can enjoy being with my family when I’m with them? When can I schedule time to write, so that when it’s writing time, I’m writing my novel and not tweaking a work schedule? How can I invest in my family time so that I don’t carry any emotional baggage with me to work?

So, if you’re participating in NaNoWriMo, I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines this year. There have been too many changes in my dayjob to spread myself too thin. Besides, I’m still revising WIP2, and my writing time will be devoted to finishing that.

Do you have any tips to keep yourself grounded during hectic times?

PS,

I contributed to The Kindness Project blog today. Check out my post HERE.

Here’s To The Dreamers

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“Do not go gentle into that good night…”

Some time in between facing a challenging time at my paythebills job, watching episodes of the Korean drama, “Shut Up and Let’s Go,” and reading Inheritance, I had one of those moments, an epiphany I guess, about my long term goals and what I really wanted out of my life, and why I’ve been struggling recently to do anything about them even though I knew what I needed to do to accomplish my goals.

It’s silly to even think about it because my issue was so obvious: fear. There were different flavors and rationalizations, but it all boiled down to fear. Paralyzing, life-ignoring, shield-myself-from-pain-and-disappointment, fear.

Well, enough of that. Issues of failing or succeeding, which by the way, are arbitrary measures, were never present in my goal-setting in the first place. I chose my goals simply because they made me happy, and regardless of any other external factor, I’d be doing them anyway (the only difference is now I have deadlines).

Also, it’s no surprise to me that experiencing other dreamers daring to live their dreams gave me the epiphany (read: punch in the face) that I needed to push on. No one accomplishes much by wallowing.

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs

The Importance of Setting Small Goals to Achieve Your Big Picture Dreams

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I stumbled across THIS ARTICLE over the weekend, and it reminded me first of all that I am halfway through the year, and second of all, that even though I’ve made progress on my various goals, I’m nowhere near “halfway” in achieving most of them. In fact, in some goals *coughcoughstrengthtrainingcough* I’ve not made any progress since the beginning of the year. Nothing. To me, that’s kind of sad.

Thirdly, the article reminded me of the importance of focusing on simple and specific goals, a principle I’ve embraced since I started this blog.

When I reflected over my goals this year, I saw that most of my goals were written for my BIG, LONG-TERM life goals. You know, like ‘Finish my novel’ or ‘Work out regularly.’ My goals broke all the tenets of what a SMART goal is supposed to be. Most of them weren’t even written down–rookie mistake!

And, aside from a general action plan floating in my head of cobbled together things that worked for me in the past that I was absolutely positive I could and would follow (snort), I neglected to have any small goals that would help strengthen my belief that I AM a consistent goal-achiever. I’m not talking about breaking down my big goals into manageable smaller steps. I mean, having small goals.

For example, I usually have a goal to read a set amount of books per month, or clean out my closets to see what I can upcycle/donate ,or travel to a specific destination just to take random pictures like this one:

(If you’re wondering, that’s me at Four Corners, UT being in four states at the same time. I know, I’m cheesy, but that’s my cross to bear.) All that to say, over the last few years, having small goals and accomplishing them empowered me to tackle my bigger goals. Heck, most of the time they gave me the energy I needed to continue on to whatever specified finish line I drew for myself, mainly because I used those goals as my reward.

The ARTICLE said it best: “The purpose of these smaller goals is not to get you closer to your goal, but to develop the skill of belief.  The belief that you can accomplish goals – not steps.” I’d forgotten the importance of building momentum, of being able to claim daily, weekly, monthly ‘wins’. For a while, my various goals interconnected in a constant flow. Now, I just feel stalled and oddly exhausted (probably because I’ve been neglecting my strength training), barely sputtering ahead no matter how excited I am about my goals. Thank goodness that my paythebills job has a built-in daily ‘win’ system, whether in achieving sales goals or recruiting a set amount of people or teaching something new to my team. Otherwise, I’d probably be in a pretty dark pit of despair and self-loathing by now. I took for granted my nerdy need to constantly earn gold stars.

So, knowing this, I’ll be rewriting my BIG goals into smaller and manageable steps with a realistic FINISH time, and have a few small goals that I can count as wins. Some of those goals include:

  • Reclaim my writing office by sorting through the storage boxes I moved in there. Evaluate if I even need those things. Donate what I don’t need.
  • Create a writing nook–assemble the table that’s been in my garage for 3 years.
  • Make my own GIANT chalkboard. (I’ll probably do something like THIS).
  • Go to the local farmer’s market this weekend for produce versus the grocery store.
  • Do this twice a week:
  • You get the idea…

No matter how much I think I have myself and my habits figured out, I still need to take conscious, deliberate steps toward my goals, even if my goal is to maintain a good behavior (like consistent training and healthy eating). I accomplished so many goals over the last two years, and muscled through a lot of mental obstacles to get to where I am now. I don’t want to get too comfortable and revert to my old way of negative, defeatist thinking.

Success feeds success, and these small daily wins gave me the insight I needed to continue dreaming. I won’t stop now.

How about you? Have you felt empowered to dream bigger after achieving small goals? Where are you at in your BIG goals?