Tag Archives: Liza Kane

Violence and Silence: Lessons in Leadership

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I stumbled upon this Ted Talk while procrastinating on Twitter researching for my WIP. It’s roughly 20 minutes long, but it’s worth the watch.

For those who don’t have time to watch the video now, Katz challenges the current dialogue around violence, stating that most of the discourse centers around the victim (oftentimes, turning the conversation into one of victim-blaming) rather than the perpetrator of violence.

In a linguistic example that morphed the line “John beat Mary” into “Mary was beaten by John” to “Mary is a battered woman,” we see how even these cognitive structures are set up to be passive against the attacker and focused on the victim.

The victim then gets the spotlight, while the perpetrator is left unexamined.

In cases of domestic or sexual violence, for instance, we seem to ask:

“Why didn’t she just leave him? What was she thinking being with him/wearing that outfit/going to that party?”

versus

“Why did he hit her? Why did he rape her?”

Or, an even better question, “What are we doing in this society that would allow or influence these decisions?”

Jackson Katz makes many, many great points, but the one that resonated the most with me is one of Leadership. It’s not enough to talk about the problems in our society, or who is at fault, or why. The point is that true Leaders will act not only in response to an immediate need but will also act to avoid perpetuating the cycle of violence; as a bystander to the perpetrator and victim, how would you respond?

This Ted Talk found its way to me right after I read a great article from The Art of Manliness.* In it, McKay recounts two incidents that happened in New York, both nearly identical life-or-death circumstances. In the first incident, bystanders looked on while someone was killed and in the second, the bystanders interceded and saved a life.

McKay goes on to ask: Why do some men freeze up and react passively in a crisis, while others take action? Why do some run away from danger and others run toward it?

Why are some men sheep and other men sheepdogs?

And which one are you?

Needless to say, I have a lot of reflecting to do about what action I would take as a bystander.

{*I highly suggest you subscribe to The Art of Manliness if you don’t already.}

Clarity

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“All things are difficult before they are easy.”

April was hands down the most challenging month I’ve experienced in recent memory (and that includes the craycray of this past holiday season). There were days that I refused to go to sleep because that meant that Today had ended, and Tomorrow would come. I did not want Tomorrow to come. Tomorrow meant yet another Obligation to face down, another Necessary Evil to endure, another Reality Check that I needed to accept. Tomorrow was heavy, and I was tired of shouldering that burden day after day.

On top of that, there was the never ending winter weather that melted into apocalyptic April showers, and pretty soon, I believed that this heaviness was my new normal, with no end in sight. It’s like every facet of my life decided to challenge me at the same time. To quote dear Bilbo Baggins, I felt “stretched…like butter scraped over too much bread.” I seriously considered just withdrawing from the world, and living on my own little island.

That is, until the internal and external challenges I faced came to a head and I was more or less forced to stop All The Doing and Busyness, take a step back, and evaluate my situation from a more objective place.

What did I find? I found that I had a problem with perfection that I NEVER thought I had inside me. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the heaviness I experienced was the constant disappointment I felt against myself because I didn’t know All The Things and I didn’t execute Things perfectly on my first try. I mean, that need for perfection tainted my view on everything recently, including feeling betrayed by my body when I caught my first cold in seven years.

Once I did recognize it, I was able to correct my mindset and began to find peace. I allowed myself to accept my fumbles and missteps. I let myself be OK with uncertainty. And, I found myself being grateful for this much needed experience just so I can look back and remember how I can be better next time. More importantly, I now have this reminder that I faced seemingly big challenges, and I was able to stretch, scrape, and push myself past them. If I could do it once, I can surely do it again.

I’m not going to lie: it’s hard to face your own incompetence day after day. I know. I live it. But man, when that moment of clarity dawns on you, when the fog in your mind disappears and you suddenly see the solution to the problem you’ve been staring at for-freaking-ever, you almost feel like the god of your own universe. That moment, in and of itself, far outweighs the price of all the struggle.

manager photo[Edited to include photo]

Be Here Now

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“Lost time is never found again.” Benjamin Franklin

I’m about to dive in to the busiest time of year again, and no, I don’t mean the frenzy of National Novel Writing Month which kicks off at midnight (though I do enjoy that annual treat!). I’m talking about that blessed time of year that people love to hate: The Holidays.

Personally, I love the holiday season. I’m a sucker for the window displays. The more nostalgic and whimsical, the better! Bonus points if the window displays are animated! Anyway, even though I may end up mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted by January (yay for spa days!), I always look back on the Thanksgiving-through-Christmas rush with a feeling of ‘Whoa!’ Another mountain conquered, another wave I rode out, another notch added to my belt.

But before I dive headlong into the thick of things, I need to give myself a few ground rules/reminders. After all, I juggle multiple roles, and I want to ensure that I balance all aspects of my life.

1. Before I can be take care of others, I need to take care of myself. I’m not going to lie, I feel BLESSED to have my strong immune system, and I’m sure that my positive outlook on life is directly related to my health. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been sick, and I want to keep it that way. So. When do I schedule my work outs? What foods do I need to keep in stock to prepare my meals in advance? What does my routine need to look like so I can get a good night’s sleep?

2. Don’t Mistake Activity for Productivity. Instead of scheduling All The Things and prioritizing them, I just need to schedule my priorities. Ask myself, ‘Does This Thing require my attention Right Now or can I manage this later?’ Focus on the Few Things that will give me the biggest return on my investment. During the five weeks of holiday, those few things are: exercise/nutrition, family time, writing time. Everything else is a luxury.

3. Be Here Now. To me, all of the above planning and prepping is to set me up to be 100% present, whether at work or at home. So, where do I need to invest my time so that when I’m off the day job, the switch stays off and I can enjoy being with my family when I’m with them? When can I schedule time to write, so that when it’s writing time, I’m writing my novel and not tweaking a work schedule? How can I invest in my family time so that I don’t carry any emotional baggage with me to work?

So, if you’re participating in NaNoWriMo, I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines this year. There have been too many changes in my dayjob to spread myself too thin. Besides, I’m still revising WIP2, and my writing time will be devoted to finishing that.

Do you have any tips to keep yourself grounded during hectic times?

PS,

I contributed to The Kindness Project blog today. Check out my post HERE.

SciFridays: Fanado Goes Mobile

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I recently stumbled upon a tweet on Margaret Atwood’s twitter stream that talked about Fanado. Intrigued by the idea of technology bridging the gap between artist and fan, I took a few moments to check out what Fanado had to offer and to learn more about the Indiegogo campaign.

FROM THE WEBSITE:

About our Go Mobile Campaign:

We want to take Fanado wide by making it accessible to everyone with an iPad, iPhone or Android device. Both Artists and Fans can take part in 1:1 meetings, sign and receive collectibles, chat with other fans – wherever they are in the world.

We built Fanado largely in-house, with our own resources – a small team working from our co-founder’s house in Toronto. To build the Apps we need to hire outside expertise – cross-platform design and programming, integration of mobile video with our patented signing and back-end support. To “Go Mobile,” in short, we need you.

With your help, Fanado can fulfill its promise of Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace. With Indiegogo funds, we’ll create two Apps – one for Artists, one for Fans – that work with both iOS and Android tablets. Whether you’re at home, in the office, on the road, or on jury duty, you’ll be able to connect live – audience to artist – up close and personal.

Pledge now and become one of the first to use Fanado – meet our Beta Artists including musicians & bands, authors & athletes, film & TV celebrities; artists both new and known. You can even create your own Fanado channel.

Join us at Fanado – where technology takes us places we couldn’t go before. We appreciate any and all support, and hope you’ll join us on this trip!

I was instantly hooked by the possibility of meeting some of my literary heroes (like Margaret Atwood!), and was honestly excited by the prospect of having not only a video recording of the meeting, but both a digital and physical autograph from the artist! I had one of those moments when I felt like I was watching history happen, like I was living in one of my science fiction novels or movies. (Hoverboards and cars that drive themselves are just around the corner–I can feel it!)

I admire the digital pioneering of this company–to be able to create meetings and memories with artists who would normally be well out of reach for the normal fan–and hope they gain the momentum they need to make their mobile campaign successful.

Have you checked out the video? Aside from the funny bleeps over the script, what did you think?

Here’s To The Dreamers

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“Do not go gentle into that good night…”

Some time in between facing a challenging time at my paythebills job, watching episodes of the Korean drama, “Shut Up and Let’s Go,” and reading Inheritance, I had one of those moments, an epiphany I guess, about my long term goals and what I really wanted out of my life, and why I’ve been struggling recently to do anything about them even though I knew what I needed to do to accomplish my goals.

It’s silly to even think about it because my issue was so obvious: fear. There were different flavors and rationalizations, but it all boiled down to fear. Paralyzing, life-ignoring, shield-myself-from-pain-and-disappointment, fear.

Well, enough of that. Issues of failing or succeeding, which by the way, are arbitrary measures, were never present in my goal-setting in the first place. I chose my goals simply because they made me happy, and regardless of any other external factor, I’d be doing them anyway (the only difference is now I have deadlines).

Also, it’s no surprise to me that experiencing other dreamers daring to live their dreams gave me the epiphany (read: punch in the face) that I needed to push on. No one accomplishes much by wallowing.

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs