I stumbled upon this Ted Talk while procrastinating on Twitter researching for my WIP. It’s roughly 20 minutes long, but it’s worth the watch.

For those who don’t have time to watch the video now, Katz challenges the current dialogue around violence, stating that most of the discourse centers around the victim (oftentimes, turning the conversation into one of victim-blaming) rather than the perpetrator of violence.

In a linguistic example that morphed the line “John beat Mary” into “Mary was beaten by John” to “Mary is a battered woman,” we see how even these cognitive structures are set up to be passive against the attacker and focused on the victim.

The victim then gets the spotlight, while the perpetrator is left unexamined.

In cases of domestic or sexual violence, for instance, we seem to ask:

“Why didn’t she just leave him? What was she thinking being with him/wearing that outfit/going to that party?”

versus

“Why did he hit her? Why did he rape her?”

Or, an even better question, “What are we doing in this society that would allow or influence these decisions?”

Jackson Katz makes many, many great points, but the one that resonated the most with me is one of Leadership. It’s not enough to talk about the problems in our society, or who is at fault, or why. The point is that true Leaders will act not only in response to an immediate need but will also act to avoid perpetuating the cycle of violence; as a bystander to the perpetrator and victim, how would you respond?

This Ted Talk found its way to me right after I read a great article from The Art of Manliness.* In it, McKay recounts two incidents that happened in New York, both nearly identical life-or-death circumstances. In the first incident, bystanders looked on while someone was killed and in the second, the bystanders interceded and saved a life.

McKay goes on to ask: Why do some men freeze up and react passively in a crisis, while others take action? Why do some run away from danger and others run toward it?

Why are some men sheep and other men sheepdogs?

And which one are you?

Needless to say, I have a lot of reflecting to do about what action I would take as a bystander.

{*I highly suggest you subscribe to The Art of Manliness if you don’t already.}