Tag: Focus

Janus

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As janus rostrum okretu ciach

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I think it’s fitting that I’m born in the month named for the god of beginnings.

I love change.  I love new ideas, new initiatives.  Which is great when I see that I need to formulate new action plans to get to my desired results.  Not so great when I know the course direction is straight ahead, and the pace is slow and steady.

I’ve been working on my current Work in Progress for some time now.  It was my NaNoWriMo story, and though I’ve only been shaping it since November, I’d been thinking about it for some months before that.  I even thought that I could write one story before November, and write another one for NaNoWriMo.  Easy, breezy.

So, in September, I did attempt to write this story.  And then, 10,000 words later I stopped, feeling too discouraged to continue.

Then, I decided to re-plot this story.

Again.

And, again.

Each time I had a different history.  Different characters.  Different worlds. Different story.

Then, October rolled around, and I decided to plan out my story, scene by scene because this time, I was not only going to start a novel, but also finish one.

And I did.  And I’m happy.  Believe me.

But I’m also tired of it.  I admit it.  I have other random story ideas that I’ve dutifully written down, and have neglected in favor of writing and finishing this one.  I’ve kept my head down, and continued scribbling on the Hot Mess, though the want for something new and shiny is always there, clamoring for attention just outside my consciousness.  (I hear the waves breaking against the shore from the setting of another story as I type this blog.)

I know that I need to continue to do what I know was successful, in order to sustain the change that I want to make in my life.  I need to look behind, to what has passed, for perspective, so that I can look ahead and press on down my path.

But Tell Me: Would pursuing some of those bright, shiny story ideas be such a bad thing at this point? What would YOU do?

Write it Out

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Notebooks

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Sometimes, I have trouble saying what I mean.  I either fumble my words or go into a meandering stream of “likes” and “you know’s” as I float toward what it is I meant to say.

Usually, I’m at my fumbliest when I lack proper sleep and rest.  You can imagine how bumbly I was at the height of the holiday season when sleep was at its lowest and the people interactions were at its highest.  It’s like my mouth was falling down the stairs.

All that to say…

This past week was more challenging than usual in terms of writing.  I know this may be contrary to say, but it’s like I had too many words.  I wanted to address so many things in my Work In Progress (aka, The Hot Mess) that the words got clogged somewhere in the assembly line that starts with my brain elves tinkering with ideas, and then shooting those ideas down through my fingers to become inked words on paper.

Most of the time, a morning session of stream of consciousness writing can get me to push past that clog and get the assembly line back in working order.  This time, though, was the first time in a long time that I found I had nothing to say.

I tried writing on my laptop.  I tried scribbling in my notebook.  I tried writing in different environments.  I even tried writing other things, like new pages for my blog.

Nothing.

The malaise in writing culminated to yesterday, when I had the day off to catch up on my writing, a habit I adopted from my NaNoWriMo days.  The only thing I seemed to have words for were crits for my friend, WookiesGirl.  Though I had plenty of comments in my crits for her, I could barely write the email that went along with those crits.  (I also owe Melissa an email about my WIP.)

Then, I encountered this post and just shook my head.

I was so focused on getting something for my WIP that I forgot the very reason why I started Novel-writing in the first place: to have fum.

Sure, I have goals, and I like to achieve them.  But the reason why I started my goal was the fun and joy of writing and creating new worlds and characters.  I enjoyed the challenge of it.

However, I became so focused on it, that I didn’t give my brain elves random things to work with.  Heck, I didn’t even give them time to rest and recharge.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.-Kahlil Gibran

So, yesterday, I read without guilt.  I tweeted without guilt.  I watched Firefly and Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 2.  I had dinner with my husband, and laughed at how awesome we are.

And, when I got to my desk this morning, a torrent of words splashed on to the page.  I couldn’t scribble fast enough.

So, Tell Me: How do you revive your muse?

2011. The Year of No Excuses

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In 2010, I turned thirty.

For some people this may mean nothing more than another year of getting older. But, as a person who loves round numbers, and who doesn’t automatically attribute age with physical decay, “2010” and “30” came with their own sense of significance. Something important HAD to happen.

So, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I made sure that my thirtieth year was filled with noteworthy milestones. Eminent among those achievements were that I lost the 20 pounds that I gained when I was 29, becoming as lean as I ever was.  And, I finished a story.


Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.
Thoreau

I’ll never forget the night that I discovered that not only can I do chin ups, but that I could do five of them in a row. Me. A girl who never thought she could do one, so why bother trying. I was elated.  I was bursting with a desire to do more, fueled by the idea that I could accomplish anything with enough focus, determination, and pure grit-my-teeth effort.

In that moment, I saw another universe unfold, one in which I attained all the goals that I gave myself simply because I decided to pursue them.   I was giddy with this knowledge.

Standing there in the gym that night, I literally asked myself: what’s stopping me?


I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

The Litany Against Fear, Dune, Frank Herbert

In my moment of clarity, I had to acknowledge that nothing was stopping me now, and if I thought about it, nothing was ever in my way to stop me from my life goals. Nothing but myself. I was the one stopping me from reaching my goals. By choosing not to act I made the choice not to pursue my dreams.

I was the one who decided that my goals were not attainable.  But, I was also the one who can make them attainable.

It was that point that I started to act. I simplified my life. I focused on finishing a novel. And, along the way, I found peace. Despite the challenges, I was content because I knew that I was finally pursuing a goal that I was passionate about.

Though my novel is not anywhere near presentable, it’s finished, a feat that I never thought I’d see.  Half a year from my gym moment, I’m affectionately calling my work in progress The Hot Mess. It should be ready for my alpha reader soon; I want to have it beta-ready by February.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Thoreau

I had so many words to hold on to and encourage me through 2010.  Words like…

…Simplify…

…Focus…

…Invictus.

These words are still meaningful to me, and so I will carry them with me into this new year.  Because this time, they hold not only the promise of goals achieved, but also a reminder of the results that come from living without excuses.

That is what I claim for 2011. A whole year of no excuses as I press on toward my goals.  Let’s do this.

Simplify. Focus. The Author I Want To Be

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Brand Image

“Real is just a matter of perception.” Peter Bishop, Fringe

It’s not a big secret that I work in retail as a Store Manager.  Part of my role/responsibility is to ensure that my team upholds The Brand’s image.  Consistency is important for customer loyalty and overall satisfaction, not only for The Brand (as a company of over 1700 stores across the country), but also for My Specific Store.  You see, not only do I want my customers to receive the level of service that they expect from The Brand, I want them to have the “Fun Personalized Service” that I’m cultivating in my store team to deliver.  Fun Personalized Service is what I want my customers to expect whenever they come to My Store.

Just as I want my customers to expect a Fun Personalized Service experience when they enter my store, I want future readers of my books to expect a certain kind of story from me as an author.

The Author I Want to Be

“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become. “
C. S. Lewis

I said last week that the Story I Want to Write was tied to the Author that I Want to Be; the brand image of the Writer, so to speak.  And, I decided that the Author I want to be needed to be Fun.  Not the “life is always happy and fluffy, cue the smiling flowers and woodland creatures” Fun, but more lighthearted, hopeful, and dare I say, entertaining fun.  The type of fun that I deliver in my store.  The type of fun that allows my customers to relax and enjoy themselves and forget their busyness for a moment.

I want to write the story that readers will seek out to remember that life is beautiful, and yes, you are invited to rest here for a time, and after doing so, you will feel refreshed and ready to face more of life.  In Dean Koontz’s novels, he would refer to this kind of respite as “moments of grace” (and if you’ve read what he puts his characters through, you would understand the beauty of those moments).  I would like to be able to say that my books can be your Moments of Grace in the midst of storms.  High expectations for me to deliver, but things worth pursuing are rarely easy to accomplish.  Finding Fun in the Challenge is my outlook on this journey.

Stop Thinking About Problems

“You can’t solve a problem at the same level of thinking that created it.” Einstein

“You can either make excuses or get results, but you can’t do both.” Tom Venuto

So, what prompted all this self-analysis?  Well, it all started with Tom Venuto’s The Body Fat Solution, which introduced  neuro linguistic programming in basic terms as a way to overcome mental roadblocks to achieving successful body recomposition.

I’m not an expert at all the nitty-gritty, but I will just say that I have been able to face down more challenges this year alone based on the principle that the words I use reflect a subconscious perception of my problem, creating limiting beliefs.  Months ago, I brainstormed many of my limiting beliefs that were blocking me from truly embracing the title of “Writer” and “Author.”  One of those beliefs was that I needed to be Serious and Deep to have any sort of chance to be a Published Author.  (I won’t analyze why I thought this, I just know that it was there, and I had to create solutions around that obstacle.)

You can imagine how (un)productive I was in my writing, believing that being an Author came with the admission price of being Serious, and knowing that deep down,  I’m not Serious at all (of course, I can be serious; don’t worry I act with appropriate decorum at weddings and funerals).  Of course, I’ve since set myself up to enable me to work through those limiting beliefs (though the feelings of inadequacy will likely stay with me for, oh, ever). I was able to realize and accept that having fun can (and should!) be part of the writing process…and the floodgates of creativity spilled forth as an answering reward.  I didn’t necessarily change any resulting behavior, I just changed my perception of my obstacle; the behaviors just ended up being more enjoyable.

I’ve learned to brainstorm better, to choose writing environments to support my writing, and turn off my self-editor so that I can “get over myself” and finish the story.  I’m under no illusions: my current WIP may never see the light of publication, but the knowledge that I will finish this story will enable more productivity.  One success, one win, fuels more success, and ever increasing challenges.  And you know what?  Because my mindset is prepared, I’m ready to meet and accept these challenges.

Focus on Solutions

“You have to know who you are before you decide how to be.” Twitter user, @IZTAES

So, I reflected on the person I am in order to realize the Author I Want to Be, the Story I Want to Write, and basically, commit myself to be labeled under the genre of Young Adult Literature (yes, a teaser of next week’s blog post).  I needed to be able to LOVE what I’m writing, and be proud that my name is associated with That Story.  And, I know it may seem insignificant, but for me, mindset is SO important to enable change.  It’s the strategic step that I needed to make before I was able to make any significant progress anywhere, because I needed to know Who I Was, and Who I Wanted To Be, before I could even make goals, let alone action steps toward that goal.

I know this process is a little foundational, but I hope I’ve been able to help someone who is struggling with their limiting beliefs over their own writing (or fillintheblank) journey/goal.  I’m obviously methodical and analytical, and have to follow certain processes; that’s just how I roll.  Thankfully, I also embrace change pretty well, and can course-correct easily. 😉


My Road to Simplicity

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A Short Epiphany, That is Explained By a Long Ramble…You Have Been Warned

So, I had an epiphany this past weekend.

I realized that I was stuck in my story, and that I haven’t really moved forward in it.  (No, that’s not the epiphany part of things.)  Because of this “block,” I was forced to analyze my story, and untangle why I was so stuck, and believe me, I really didn’t want to, because I knew the answer before I even wanted to acknowledge the problem.  I was stuck in my story because I didn’t have the amazing plot outline that I thought I did.  In fact, in the universe of plot outlines, mine would have been that barren asteroid that astronomers overlook as kinda boring and useless.  (They’d probably assign it a boring number, too.)

What I was resisting before my epiphany, I realize that I actually have to face and do: I needed to get back to the drawing board.

Back to the Drawing Board

"Well, back to the old drawing board".

What I mean when I say, “Drawing Board,” are those lovely things that other writers may have realized and completed long before they even started their story.  You know, those little things like Character Biographies, World/Culture Building, and all the other lovely background informational resources necessary to make one little street in The Story seem like a vast and habitable universe to The Reader.

I think I would be more frustrated with myself and my writing talents if I didn’t know deep down that I needed to do this, and that this was something that I have almost consciously ignored.  I knew that I needed to do this from the start.  I did this to myself.  I created this “writer’s block,” and so this whole situation is a lot easier for me to swallow.  (Not easy, just easier than what it could have been had this been an unintentional, unconscious act.)

I ignored this planning stage originally because, well, honestly, I simply didn’t realize the magnitude of usefulness that an information repository would be, and also in part because I didn’t sort out my goals beforehand.  Let me explain the second part first, because it deals with my mindset.

I have explained mindset before, and how important it is for me to have the proper mindset, and this scenario is a great example of that (Not that I like admitting how slow I am on the uptake sometimes.  I should probably create a category on here called “Face Palm Moments” celebrating my obstacles, and the overcoming thereof.  Always stress the “overcoming.”).  🙂

“Write…”

I love road trips.  Each year, I need a really good road trip to quiet that restless drive inside me that tells me to keep moving.  I have discovered in my road adventures that there are several ways to get to a particular destination, and that I have to plan my route depending on the random sites that I wanted to visit along my way to that destination.  Each stop had a purpose.  Each route was chosen for a specific reason.

Part of my epiphany over the weekend made me realize that if I approached road trips like I did my writing, I would never have gotten anywhere that I wanted to go, and I would never have seen all the cool things I’ve seen.  My writing before this point was the road trip equivalent of me just driving, with no thought to where I was going, and basically just logging miles per day, without any real return on the gas-mileage-investment.  No real plan.  How silly would that be, right?  (Remind me to tell you guys of an 18-hour road trip to Santa-Barbara-but-was-actually-to-nowhere that my parents took me on.  Wait, I basically just told you about it.)

At least I finally did realize what I was doing.  And, the root of all this aimless driving?  I was so trying to prove to myself that I was a writer, and felt the need to constantly validate my status by writing, that I didn’t allow myself the very practical need for background work.

“…With Purpose”

Just like I’ve given myself permission to plan in other areas of my life, I realize that I needed to give myself that same permission in terms of writing.  My mindset was that my goal was “Writing” and if that was all it was, then I’ve accomplished it, given that I have been writing everyday since I’ve first held a journal and called it “Mine.”

My goal is now clear to me (and my subconscious): I am writing a Novel.  At the end of all this work, I will have a finished story in novel form.  Writing is the process for me to get that finished product; it is not the goal.  I know this may seem little, but to my subconscious, this epiphany is huge: I honestly thought I was moving away from my goal (“Writing”) and was wasting time with the background stuff, rather than seeing the background work as integral for me to accomplish my true goal of creating a Novel.

To that end, I am now taking the time to create the detailed Biographies, History, and other lovely background tidbits that are worth the time investment upfront to guide me through the middle of my story in the future. (And, allowing myself to love this process! I’m such a nerd about this sort of thing!).

Fear of Commitment

The other reason why I ignored this process initially is really quick to explain, but I’m kinda cringing about it because the reason is so stupid.  Sigh, here goes.  Truthfully, I was a little nervous about hammering down a “fixed” history of my world, because I was afraid to commit to one thing, one event, one history. Phew, there, I said it!

I have so many random pages of “background histories” that are always evolving and shifting (and, some that are freakily exact biographies and descriptions about specific characters, even though those biographies were written months apart.  Seriously.).  It’s almost like I felt that if I “fixed” them, then I was committed to it, and that there was no changing, ever, and what would happen then??  (Funny, how I never had a fear of commitment when I was with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, but my characters on the other hand…)

But, I had to come to the conclusion, oh so slowly, that having a fixed fact helps to create conflict/movement/action that my characters need to deal with.  (insert “Duh” here).  I can go on about how obvious this concept is, and debate on why I was so slow to realize all of this, but I will quickly divert attention away from my lame-ness toward some fun resources for character biographies, which can be found at Holly Lisle’s blog here, and at Natalie Whipple’s blog here.

Have I Mentioned That My 2010 Theme is “Simplify.  Focus.”?

So, one last aspect of my “Simplify. Focus.” Theme of 2010 includes simplifying this blog and the reason why I use it.

I created this blog initially because I love books: I love reading them, and writing one would be a marvelous extension of that, and would bring the love round full circle.  (But, I could totally do all that with my Moleskine with minimal effort.)

I also like being able to connect with a writing community, and hopefully find friends here with whom to bond over Worthy Nerdy Pursuits.  But, honestly, I can do that with social media.

Well, why have I kept this up, rambling on about my mindset and thought process, and basically allowing myself to look like a fool as I fumble toward my goal of creating a Novel?

Accountability.

I don’t have much accountability on my side of the laptop to keep at my words and world building.  But here, in my Happy Place, I can write about what I’m doing, and just thinking that I have other people reading and knowing about my progress (or lack thereof) motivates me to get back to work.  I can pretend that other people can glean some kind of insight from these random snippets of my everyday; that someone somewhere will be entertained by my Face Palm moments, and hopefully, can get started on better footing than I did; that I can be of value to someone else, and inspire them to act, just as other bloggers over the years have inspired me.

With that said, this blog will not be a Writer’s Resource to All Things Writerly (but if any of you find a site like that, please share!).  I can’t promise to be helpful or insightful, because to me, that would imply an authority that would be laughable for me to claim.  I can’t promise that this blog will be time-worthy in any way.

But, I hope that as I play here, in my Happy Place, that you will pull up a chair, grab some coffee (I will allow for tea), and share in my love of books, reading, writing.

Welcome, by the way, and please excuse the mess… 😉