It’s almost hilarious to me that no matter how much I work at ensuring that my mindset is where it’s supposed to be, and that I surround myself with affirmations and inspiring quotations, that one little obstacle (that turned out not to be an obstacle at all) can easily destroy all that careful building up.
I read somewhere that “A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after a success.” Not that I’m planning to fail, or feel like a failure, but writing to me is one of the most personalized journeys that I can make and own (second only to a body transformation). I only have myself to compare to, my own level of focus and dedication…and to see me compare what I did accomplish to what I could accomplish, well, I may be a harsh critic, but I often see myself coming up short. There’s a fine line between berating and constructive criticism, and believe me, I dance with that line a lot.
I don’t tend to dwell on the things that I can’t control; but I definitely criticize myself when I do dwell on those uncontrollable things. Also, when there are things that I can control, and fail to use or maximize them, more criticism is waiting for me. (I don’t seem to give myself any slack or respite).
For example, when I encountered a story that at first, seemed eerily similar to mine, I automatically broke down and went into a “woe is me, what’s the point in continuing” mode. I got over myself after chatting with some funny people and was able to move on and roll my eyes at myself. But, I should have realized sooner that I was being silly. I should have realized that I can’t go back in time and work on my story earlier. I shouldn’t even be comparing myself to another writer. I should not have allowed myself to become discouraged. But I did anyway.
So, I don’t necessarily have a solution other than to say that I am reaffirming my commitment, and I promise myself not to be so crazy and delusional (and quite frankly, finding excuses to quit). And, I will own my affirmation throughout the rest of my hundred day challenge to a finished rough draft.
(Here’s a great blogpost that talks about crazies, and I should have recognized the crazy in me while I was in the midst of craziness.)
7 thoughts on “Silly Self-Talk”
It’s a constant battle of the mind! It’s good to know that you fight back!
Hey there! Thanks for visiting, and for the encouragement! I have an idea of something that I’ll eventually need your help with…I still need my idea to be a little more concrete but then I’ll loop you in 😉
grrr …that was meant so say “send me into a web of dEspair” gee…and I call myself a writer 😉
Just blame your keyboard…I always do 😉
Not too long ago, I found out about a novel that’s set in Highgate, where a lot of my novel is set. The genre (Urban Fantasy) was the same but that was it…however, that was enough to send me into a dispair. Just like you did. Now, I look back and laugh because so what. My novel is totally different. It’s very natural to be so sensitive and panic. Writing is hard. Reading about all the “competition” makes is harder so don’t worry too much if you have bad moments. We all have them. Don’t beat yourself up over them. You’re not crazy and delusional…because if you are, then ALL writers are because I think we all do the same thing 🙂
Heehee, I don’t remember who said it but I liked the quotation that writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia…so I guess it would be more true to say that all writers are crazy! 😉 heehee If all writers are crazy, then we wouldn’t really be crazy, because then we would be normal…except in comparison to nonwriters 🙂
(See how I even employ crazy logic there?) 😉
I surely do identify with you in “picking on yourself” a little too much. I do this, too. It isn’t productive and is self defeating. Stop it, I tell myself. NOW! And I shall own that affirmation again today. Thank you for sharing.