It’s almost hilarious to me that no matter how much I work at ensuring that my mindset is where it’s supposed to be, and that I surround myself with affirmations and inspiring quotations, that one little obstacle (that turned out not to be an obstacle at all) can easily destroy all that careful building up.
I read somewhere that “A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after a success.” Not that I’m planning to fail, or feel like a failure, but writing to me is one of the most personalized journeys that I can make and own (second only to a body transformation). I only have myself to compare to, my own level of focus and dedication…and to see me compare what I did accomplish to what I could accomplish, well, I may be a harsh critic, but I often see myself coming up short. There’s a fine line between berating and constructive criticism, and believe me, I dance with that line a lot.
I don’t tend to dwell on the things that I can’t control; but I definitely criticize myself when I do dwell on those uncontrollable things. Also, when there are things that I can control, and fail to use or maximize them, more criticism is waiting for me. (I don’t seem to give myself any slack or respite).
For example, when I encountered a story that at first, seemed eerily similar to mine, I automatically broke down and went into a “woe is me, what’s the point in continuing” mode. I got over myself after chatting with some funny people and was able to move on and roll my eyes at myself. But, I should have realized sooner that I was being silly. I should have realized that I can’t go back in time and work on my story earlier. I shouldn’t even be comparing myself to another writer. I should not have allowed myself to become discouraged. But I did anyway.
So, I don’t necessarily have a solution other than to say that I am reaffirming my commitment, and I promise myself not to be so crazy and delusional (and quite frankly, finding excuses to quit). And, I will own my affirmation throughout the rest of my hundred day challenge to a finished rough draft.
(Here’s a great blogpost that talks about crazies, and I should have recognized the crazy in me while I was in the midst of craziness.)