The Will to Finish

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One of my previous managers gave me this quote: “The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare” (Juma Ikangaa).  I fully agree with that statement, along with another aphorism that is similar to it: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”  But what if “winning” is not necessarily the objective, and depending on the circumstance, the “winning”, “do or die” mentality can do more harm than good?  What if instead we replace the “will to win” with “the will to finish”?

I know that there are a lot of people out there who are motivated by competition (myself included).   Competition can be helpful when it comes to feats of strength or actual arenas where skill is matched with skill, and for the most part, a specific “winner” can be chosen from the pack.

However, in most life matters, the true competition is not against another person, but against myself.  I can see how another person is doing in their weight loss goal, and see if they are outpacing me.  I can see how far along another person is on their word counts, or how many books they have published.  I can see who among my peers are beating their sales goals.  I can learn from them, be inspired by them, and seek to emulate them.  But, the real measure of success and progress should be, and is, against myself: how am I progressing toward my (fitness/writing/business/fill-in-the-blank) goals?

Writing, for me, boils down to me sitting down in front of my keyboard (or Moleskine), and that’s it.  I learn through my struggles and find people* who are supportive and engaging to carry me through the “woe is me” times.  (For the record, those times have been fewer and farther in between; go me!)  It really make no sense to compare myself with another writer.  Besides, another writer’s success does not diminish my own potential for success; neither are their failures my failures.

The only true failure in these real life matters is not finishing, especially because the only real competitors are me and myself (and sometimes, I).  I had my own starting point and my own goals.  Anyone is welcome to observe me, jeer me, or cheer me, as I plod along, but know that my race, my journey is my own competition of one.

Ursula Le Guin said: “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but is the journey that matters in the end.” At the end of the day, the truly remarkable people are not remarkable because they won.  They are remarkable because they attained their goal (despite whatever obstacles were in their way).  They finished and arrived at their specific milestone, and then continued on their path.  They understood that “it is the journey not the arrival that matters.”

And, one day I will find myself at the “finish” of one writing journey, only to prepare myself another one.  Can’t wait.

I Remember

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Nine Years Ago…Around This Time (just before 9AM)…

I remember waking up in my apartment in Virginia because my phone would not stop ringing.

I remember eventually getting up and just missing the last phone call by one ring. Then listening to a friend’s voicemail about how the country was at war and would her husband be drafted.

I remember turning on the television, shrugging my shoulders at my friend’s incoherency.

I remember seeing the Twin Towers on fire. Then flipping the channel. Each channel showed the same image.

I remember wondering if my TV was broken. Then I saw a plane flying toward the South Tower.

I remember blinking. Why is a plane flying so close to the buildings? Why isn’t it changing course? Aren’t there people on the plane? Maybe my eyes were broken. I kept blinking.

I remember seeing the plane fly into building one. I flipped the channels too fast to see anything clearly. The images blurred together and all I saw was a world on fire.

I don’t remember much after that.

I think I called my friend. I think I left messages on my family’s answering machines back home in New York. I think I even tried to get ready for school, only to be sent home.

The bus driver had a news program playing on the radio. Evidently, the Pentagon also had a plane fly into it, too.

September 11, 2001 attacks in New York City: V...

Months go by…

I remember in the months that followed, moviemakers were scrambling to cut out any footage of the Twin Towers or any reference to bombs or explosions. I thought they were being silly. Americans were tougher than that.

Then, I watched an action movie on TV, and sobbed at the opening pan shot of the New York City skyline.

I remember the prof of my Advanced Composition class asked if anyone knew the shortest verse in the Bible. I answered, “Jesus wept” then promptly cried.

I remember walking Lower Manhattan with my cousin that winter. We didn’t talk much outside. I don’t know about her, but I couldn’t help thinking that I was inhaling building debris and dead bodies.

I remember the beautiful stories told on the one-year anniversary. The heart broken children who will never know their mother or father. The husband who lost his wife. The wife proud of her husband’s bravery.

Then the years go by…

I remember hearing coworkers wonder why 9/11 was such a big deal.

I remember seeing shrugs and eye rolls.

“Never Forget,” indeed.

More like “We Will Remember”…when it’s convenient for us.

I remember being in a crowd of indifference while I still can’t bear the thought of watching United 93 or World Trade Center.

Now

I look forward to the day when the skyline is whole again. It should be any year now. Believe me, I will take as many pictures as possible, hoping to replace the burning buildings scorched into my mind’s eye.

I remember seeing Fringe last year. The show is a blur of X-Filesian episodes; great action and story, but nothing too outstanding (at least, nothing that hasn’t been done before in that genre.) Then, the finale episode of their first season showed the Twin Towers whole and beautiful, in a universe where they never fell.

I remember how I teared up just seeing the skyline like that in a present world, and not in years gone by. That show has forever won my loyalty.

I remember reading somewhere that the most effective affirmations for changing/sustaining mindset and behavior are written in the present tense, and focusing on what I want rather than what I want to avoid.

This is why I don’t say that I will never forget. I say that I remember.

What do you remember?

Silly Self-Talk

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The Path

One little obstacle

It’s almost hilarious to me that no matter how much I work at ensuring that my mindset is where it’s supposed to be, and that I surround myself with affirmations and inspiring quotations, that one little obstacle (that turned out not to be an obstacle at all) can easily destroy all that careful building up.

I read somewhere that “A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after a success.”  Not that I’m planning to fail, or feel like a failure, but writing to me is one of the most personalized journeys that I can make and own (second only to a body transformation).  I only have myself to compare to, my own level of focus and dedication…and to see me compare what I did accomplish to what I could accomplish, well, I may be a harsh critic, but I often see myself coming up short.  There’s a fine line between berating and constructive criticism, and believe me, I dance with that line a lot.

I don’t tend to dwell on the things that I can’t control; but I definitely criticize myself when I do dwell on those uncontrollable things.  Also, when there are things that I can control, and fail to use or maximize them, more criticism is waiting for me.  (I don’t seem to give myself any slack or respite).

For example, when I encountered a story that at first, seemed eerily similar to mine, I automatically broke down and went into a “woe is me, what’s the point in continuing” mode.  I got over myself after chatting with some funny people and was able to move on and roll my eyes at myself.  But, I should have realized sooner that I was being silly.  I should have realized that I can’t go back in time and work on my story earlier.  I shouldn’t even be comparing myself to another writer.   I should not have allowed myself to become discouraged.  But I did anyway.

So, I don’t necessarily have a solution other than to say that I am reaffirming my commitment, and I promise myself not to be so crazy and delusional (and quite frankly, finding excuses to quit).  And, I will own my affirmation throughout the rest of my hundred day challenge to a finished rough draft.

(Here’s a great blogpost that talks about crazies, and I should have recognized the crazy in me while I was in the midst of craziness.)

Are There Methods in the Madness of Writing?

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Cup

My favorite writing accessories: coffee and moleskine

I’ve been in a business/management environment for the better part of a decade and I can’t help but think in terms of following best practices, finding strengths and opportunities, and creating action plans to leverage found strengths against any opportunities (aka, areas of weakness, but no one likes to say “weakness”). I do this unconsciously, and constantly analyze and re-analyze various scenarios in order to arrive at the results I want, hopefully becoming more efficient, more effective with each project.

I’ve been thinking recently about how to finish my story in the most effective manner possible. Of course, I am familiar with the stayinyourseatandtype writing method, and the don’tlookatbrightandshinyfacebooktwitteryoutube avoidance techniques. Those address the problems of discipline, work ethic and focus: all very important, but not necessarily what I’m thinking about at the moment. It’s more like I want to know best practices, methods and techniques that other writers have employed to get them from one scene to another, eventually stringing all the pretties together into a finished story.

I’ve mentioned before that I have completed my plot outline of the major points of the novel. So, here I am plodding along, filling in the blanks between the points of that plot outline. But, I have been wondering recently: should I keep writing straight through the story as it is laid out chronologically (per my plot outline), or would it be more effective (or at least equally effective?) to write out some of those “fun” scenes, those major plot points, and then write in the transition scenes later on?

I’ve read that “writing to” something helps to iron out what those little, in-between scenes need to be, especially important if I need to hide clues or throw red herrings in along the way (though I’m not to that point in the story yet). I know for me, I had a glimpse of another chapter of my character’s life (basically the beginning of a potential other book, though I don’t want to put the cart before the horse, so I’ve chosen to call it “chapter”), and it looked like so much fun, that it helped me to outline and plot the novel toward that point. Plus, it just made sense to see how the BIG picture ends.

But, I still have a nagging little voice in my head that tells me if I touch those big scenes first, then I will lose the motivation/fire/passion to write the rest of the scenes. I know it’s silly, and I’ve come a long way from that mindset, but it’s still there.

cute cuddly with the potential for scary...yup, that's my muse

I know there’s no right way to go about this per se, and that the best method is the one that keeps me writing. So, let’s just call this inquiry my overwhelming, insatiable need to know things, and you get to help me learn more about the creative process. What method do you use in your madness, and why do you like it? The jittery, caffeine addicted gremlin that is my muse would like to know.